This is the article I wish I had read when I was single and looking for love. I hope it helps you if you’re in that place in your life.
1. Be clear about what you want
It’s important to be clear about what you want. Otherwise, how will you recognize your future partner? They could already be in your life.
Make a list of the qualities of the person you want to attract. Look at your relationship role models for inspiration. Be specific about the overall picture (their character, beliefs, sense of humor, how they make you feel, etc.), but go more general when it comes to their appearance.
The reason I say “go general” is if you get too specific about how they look, you might end up missing out on the love of your life because they don’t look like the vision you have in your mind. I know so many people who ended up marrying people who didn’t fit their original vision.
2. Line up your energy to what you want
Like energy attracts like energy, so be aware of what you’re putting out into the Universe. If you’re in a good place emotionally, you will attract someone in a similar space.
Express what you want to the Universe and have faith that it will happen. Wanting it isn’t enough. I’ve always been a huge romantic, but when I was single again after my divorce, I never really thought the relationship I wanted would happen for me. The fact of the matter was I wasn’t emotionally ready for a healthy relationship. Even though it was what I wanted, my energy wasn’t lining up with my desire. Plus, I kept focusing on the feeling of not being in a relationship, so that’s what the Universe kept giving me.
A friend introduced me to The Soulmate Secret (which uses the Law of Attraction to find love). It helped me understand how I was sabotaging myself and gave me the tools I needed to attract my soulmate. Try visualizing and feeling what it’s like to have your ideal relationship. Make this a daily practice. When you get to the point where you’re no longer worried about finding love (because you feel it manifesting), it will happen.
3. Be happy and complete on your own
It’s okay to be single! I know it’s hard to hear that if you’re pining for a relationship, but try to enjoy your single time while you still have it. You have the rest of your life to be in a relationship. Don’t look for someone to complete you. You should already be a complete and emotionally healthy person when you meet your person. From my experience, if you don’t do the work to remove your insecurities and emotional blocks, you will keep attracting the same wrong relationships.
If you feel complete and happy with who you are, you’re more likely to attract someone who’s complete and happy with themselves as well. Plus, happy people are much more desirable to be around, don’t you think?
If you can get to a state of knowing it’s going to happen, it will be much easier to enjoy this time on your own doing the things you love (like spending more quality time with your friends or watching your favorite Rom-Coms without someone stealing the remote.) Take this time to work on becoming the best version of yourself for that wonderful person to enter your life and complement it (not complete it).
4. Love yourself
You attract the love you think you deserve. You need to love yourself first before someone else can love you. If you’re struggling to love yourself, it’s time to change your internal dialog. Every single person deserves love. Every. Single. Person. You spend more time with yourself than anyone; wouldn’t it be nice to actually like who you’re spending all your time with? Plus, confidence is one of the most attractive qualities. Make a list of all your best qualities and why you’d make a good partner. The more you focus on the good in yourself, the more you’ll see it.
We also tend to think the same thoughts thousands of times a day. If those thoughts are telling a negative story, it’s going to take a toll on your self-confidence. If you need help silencing the voice of your inner critic, take my Manifesting Course.
5. Be open and put yourself “out there”
After you’ve done the work where you feel good about yourself and know what you want, it’s time to put yourself out there. Yes, it can be scary, but your love interest is not just going to show up at your door. You’ve got to put yourself in situations where you can find each other. You might have to date a lot of “frogs” before you meet your person, but try not to get discouraged. If you date someone and it doesn’t work out, it just means there’s someone better (for you) out there. Here are some ideas to meet that special someone should you need them.
Ask your friends and family to set you up with someone - Try a dating site (it’s a great way to practice date too.)
- Join a meet-up group in your city (a group with common interests.)
- Volunteer for a cause you believe in
- Take a class (pottery, photography, cooking, etc.)
- Go to parks (especially if you have a dog or child)
- Go places that interest you (like art galleries or museums)
- Attend group fitness classes
- Check Facebook for event recommendations
- Go to networking events
Think about how your ideal partner might spend their time. Where might you meet them?
6. Be your true, authentic self
The only way someone is going to fall in love with the real you is if you express your true, authentic self. Unfortunately, not everyone is going to love who you are, which can be a blow to the ego. We’re all vulnerable when dating. It’s rare when two people meet and click right away. But there is no one on this planet like you. So embrace who you are, get out there, and, eventually, you’re going to attract the right one into your life.
Don’t ever change yourself for someone else. You might have an idea what kind of person your date is attracted to, and you might even try to change yourself to fit that type…Don’t! If your date doesn’t like you for who you are, that’s not going to change. Eventually, your true (awesome) self is going to come out.
As Gabby Bernstein says, “It’s this or something better.” If that person isn’t a good match for you, then there’s someone else out there that is. You’ve got to keep the faith and stay true to who you are, even if it means letting your freak flag fly! (as my friends and I call it.)
7. Make eye contact and smile
Look up from your phone when you’re in an uncomfortable group setting. Those are the perfect opportunities to meet someone. Casually look around you, take it all in, and if you see someone you’re attracted to, make eye contact and smile! It’s an invitation for them to come over and talk. I have a friend who would do this flirtatious head tilt and smile thing when she saw someone she was attracted to back in her single days. It was like moths to a flame for her.
I know taking the initiative to show interest is scary, but try to be open to it. (It’s scary for them too.) You might also take the reigns and initiate a conversation. It’s the 21st century, there are no rules.
8. Don’t look for an instant relationship
I can’t stress this one enough – don’t look for an instant relationship. When I was single, every date I went on, if he looked like he had potential on the first date, my mind would immediately go to, “hmmm, wonder if he’s ‘the one’?” (Can you see why I was single so long?) I turned into Charlotte from Sex and the City, thinking, “I’m exhausted! Where is he?”
I guarantee that needy energy was not only making men run, but it was also putting way too much pressure on myself to try to be perfect, so I didn’t blow it. Just relax, enjoy each moment, and don’t get too far ahead of yourself. (Don’t go picking out China patterns after the 2nd date.)
9. Relax and keep the conversation balanced
When you have that first date (or any date for that matter), don’t be that person who spends the whole time talking about themselves, but don’t interrogate the person either. Make sure there’s a balance. Let the conversation happen organically. You’ll feel much more confident if you come prepared with at least a few questions in mind in case there’s a lull. (Just don’t bring a list.)
10. Be in the moment and enjoy yourself
The best dates are ones where you have flowing conversation, feel comfortable in each other’s presence, and laugh. Don’t be so focused on whether or not they like you. Focus on enjoying the moment and taking in the information you need to see if this is someone you could spend more time with. If you’re in your head the whole time wondering if you’re doing it right, you’ll be taking away from the whole experience. Be present and enjoy your time getting to know the person sitting across from you.
If you’re nervous before the date, try meditating to ground yourself. Then visualize how you want the date to go. Try to see yourself being confident and relaxed, enjoying the conversation, and laughing together. The vision will be a lot more powerful if you can feel the emotion behind it. Right before you see your date, take a few deep, cleansing breaths. It’ll help put you at ease.
Never settle for something or someone because you don’t want to be alone. If you start seeing red flags, pay close attention to those. Trust your gut and believe that the Universe will bring you the right person at the right time. Try to be patient and enjoy your life as it is right now because soon…it’s all going to change.
Here are some Relationship Books I highly recommend. This YouTube video from an Abraham-Hicks conference offers some excellent relationship advice as well.
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