Okay, I have to admit I’ve been watching the Bachelor for years now. It’s one of my guilty pleasures. It’s even more fun to watch with my husband who keeps me laughing with his witty, sarcastic commentary. Truth be told, I watch the show partly because I want to see a happy ending, and partly because I find it fascinating to watch the drama unfold.
These tips are meant to be a little tongue in cheek but they’re valid nonetheless. Here are 10 dating tips from watching The Bachelor.
1. Be your true, authentic self
It sounds obvious but how are you going to attract the right one into your life if you’re not being your true, authentic self? If you’re trying to be someone you’re not, it’s going to come out at some point. (You have to give the girl in the dolphin costume points for flying her “freak flag” early.) If you’re a total goofball at heart, let that out. There’s nothing more attractive than being okay with being different and loving yourself for it.
2. Don’t engage in drama
Oh duh, right? When you attack another person’s character (whether warranted or not), or negatively spin out about something, you are creating drama and that’s not an attractive quality. Nor does it foster a sense of intimacy in a relationship. If you notice someone acting in a manner you don’t like, don’t talk behind their back. Take the high road and don’t engage in drama.
3. Be open about how you feel
Vulnerability is such an attractive quality. I know how scary it is to be honest about your feelings. I remember telling my now-husband that I loved him first. His response?… “thanks”. Wasn’t exactly what I was going for, but I know he loved hearing it, even if it took him a little longer to get there. If you keep a wall up to “protect yourself”, you’re doing yourself more harm than good by keeping love at bay, but also…
4. Don’t put the cart before the horse
Yes, these ladies are all vying for the same man, which makes any attention he gives feel more intense. Obviously, they’re dealing with an extreme dating situation, but it’s also a good reminder not to get too far ahead of yourself and tell the guy you love him three dates in. Make sure you have a good foundation for a healthy relationship before you throw out the “L” word.
5. Be confident (even if you have to fake it)
Don’t let insecurities get to you. If you know the other person is dating other people, psyching yourself out about it isn’t going to help your confidence. Try to be optimistic, don’t overthink the situation, and be careful about the stories you tell yourself. If you’re feeling insecure, it’s time to alter how you think about yourself.
6. Be in the moment
You’re less likely to overanalyze if you’re in the moment – not worrying about the future or fretting about the past. Focus on the relationship in front of you and let it develop the way it’s supposed to. The person sitting across from you is proving themselves to you just as much as you are to them. Ask questions, share your stories, and enjoy the experience.
7. Do something scary together
I’m thinking the producers must have done some research here. A couple will go out on two dates, do something crazy scary together (like parachuting out of a plane) and boom, they’re in love. Turns out, according to this Time article, there’s some science behind that.
8. Pay attention to the signs
If the person you’re dating is being dissed by multiple people, and/or they’re saying or doing things that don’t feel right to you, those are signs you shouldn’t ignore. Pay attention and trust your gut.
9. Remember that ejection does not make you unlovable
It always breaks my heart when I see these ladies crying their eyes out in the limo after being rejected, telling the camera they feel “unlovable” or they’ll “never find the one”. Rejection does not make you unlovable. It just means that particular person wasn’t the one for you, which means someone even better (for you) will come along – it’s this or something better. Keep the faith and try to remain positive. The Universe is working in your favor!
10. Don’t rush into marriage
It always surprises me that these Bachelor/Bachelorette couples feel like they have to get engaged after such a short amount of time together. Obviously, the producers and the show’s ratings play a huge part in the pressure (and the show’s drama). It would just be so much more logical to continue dating in the “real world” after the show ends to see how truly compatible they are.
I get wanting to get married but make sure it’s right before you rush into anything. Your wedding is one day, but marriage is the rest of your life. (for half the U.S. population, anyway)
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